Imposter Syndrome

^{My two kids have a completely different perspective of themselves and the world.}

^{My son approaches the world with self-assurance, doesn’t try to fit in and doesn’t change who he is. I remember taking him to a karate tournament when he was about 8. He was competing with kids from other school’s and his first opponent was three head’s taller than him (in my protective memory), very skilled… and LOUD. He shouted those ‘Kiai’s’ with such force, I saw the surprised seriousness of the situation on my boys face.  He was annihilated in minutes by his opponent, as he kept stepping out of the barrier every time the boy approached. I felt sad for him and was worried about how he would take it. As he walked up to me, I asked him how it went. He said “It was amazing, I loved it” and he was beaming. And so continued his approach to all his ‘C’ team matches, his exams, speeches etc. good or bad, win or lose. “They were great”, he backed himself. He was in it for the experience.}

^{My daughter, on the other hand, worries about fitting in and being accepted and liked. Deep down she feels she doesn’t naturally belong and the slightest most trivial gesture can validate this feeling. She doesn’t see that she is beautiful, funny and intuitive, she is too busy noticing what she is not. With a lot of help and intervention she is recognizing this tendency and learning to build her self-confidence.}

^{This imposter syndrome is a common feeling and one of the frequent experiences that come up in my discussions with high achieving executives. This feeling of self-doubt and the fear of being exposed as undeserving of achievements or position, despite objective evidence to the contrary.}

^{When I chat to executives they can give compelling reasons for why they feel like this. For example;}

^{I don’t have a qualification, I am not as smart as everyone, I came from a working class family, I am not as extroverted, I am the only female executive, I am the only black executive, I am the youngest, I am the oldest, etc..}

^{They give credit for their achievements to luck, good timing or the belief that they have deceived others into thinking they have the abilities for the job.}

^{The contrary evidence to this view of themselves, that they tend to overlook, can be something like this:}

^{I have risen quickly through the ranks in my career, I have achieved more than I set out to, I receive positive feedback from those all around me, I have years of experience and knowledge in my field, I am approached for external jobs, I am an executive despite being the youngest, oldest, only female, only black executive….etc.}

^{Having imposter syndrome is not a pleasant space to be and the underlying belief that they express is one of not being enough and therefore not deserving to be here. As they inherently believe this about themselves, they have a skewed view of the evidence around them that goes against this belief.}

^{The challenge with having imposter syndrome is that it can cause us to:}

^{·      credit all our success to external factors and to personalize all our failures as our incompetence (those ones we’re good at believing);}

^{·      overwork or aim for perfection to make up for our perceived inadequacies;}

^{·      and prevent us from accepting or celebrating our accomplishments.}

^{It can negatively affect our job satisfaction, our well-being and hold us back in our careers by preventing us from taking on new challenges and opportunities for the fear of failure.}

^{But if we use that determination and ability to work hard that we so naturally have, we can get the better of impostor syndrome by introducing regular intentional practices of noticing the negative thought patterns, reframing our thinking, setting realistic goals, and learning to accept our imperfections with both arms, and with a lot of self-compassion.}

^References

^{Image from 21 December 2014 by https://www.womanthology.co.uk/just-time-thats-essence-feelings-belonging-work-also-help-create-better-sense-work-life-balance-michelle-ryan-professor-social-organisati/}

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