I've recently had a number of clients wanting to work on building their confidence in the workplace.
Not surprising when many executives work in an environment where you have to be on top of your game, where criticism is rife, competition high and where mistakes can have substantial consequences.
Exploring what confidence means to each individual has been enlightening. It's a vital component for building resilience at work, yet it's essential to navigate the nuances between underdeveloped confidence and overly projected confidence. Although both have the same starting point:
· if confidence is low, you experience doubt in your abilities, you may resist speaking up, you won’t back yourself to take on new opportunities and you may be more impacted by criticism as you yourself inherently believe you are inadequate, deficient, and not enough.
· If your confidence is perceived as very high, you may come across as egotistical or arrogant, and in fact, be covering up for insecurities.
Both could lead you to faking confidence to come across as more self-assured. The challenge with this approach is it puts you in personal conflict between what you are feeling internally and how you are behaving externally, which is exhausting and unsustainable, and often not as convincing to others as we think.
True confidence is genuine. It doesn’t believe you are the best, or the smartest person in the room.
Executives with authentic confidence:
· can show humility and vulnerability when they don’t have the answers or when they make mistakes,
· they are open to learning from others and from differing opinions;
· aren’t the loudest people in the meeting;
· are capable of being assertive without aggression or bullying;
· are humble, and accommodate others easily;
· have an unshakable sense of their own self-worth;
· know who they are, what they are doing and why they are doing it;
· are too confident to be fake;
· see themselves objectively and are aware of their strengths and weaknesses;
· are open to feedback;
· are grounded which leads to greater happiness and mental strength;
· have an inner belief in themselves that goes deeper than whatever temporary anxiety they’re experiencing
· aren’t fearless, but they know if they fail in a particular task, they’ll be able to pick themselves up, problem solve and find a new way;
To build true confidence start with practicing self-compassion. Compassion redirects negative self-talk towards more nurturing internal dialogue. Enhancing self-awareness is crucial; journaling negative thoughts and feelings and discussing them with a trusted friend can offer clarity and a healthier perspective.
Define confidence on your terms. Authenticity matters more than fitting into others' expectations. Embrace what truly empowers you, whether it’s preparing meticulously for a speech or using physical posture to bolster your confidence. Do it your way.
Telling yourself you need to be charismatic, funny and talkative when hosting a conference, knowing that you are naturally thoughtful, reserved and serious is going to set you up for failure. Finding that if you have cue-cards and a podium, you have the comfort to deliver a better speech to a large audience, do that.
Address the physical aspects too. I worked with a man, who is over 6 feet tall, fit and strong, but spoke of feeling small when his confidence was low. Working on how we feel in our body can often be easier to start working on than our heads. Standing tall and claiming space can influence your mindset positively, especially during moments of low confidence.
Remember, changing lifelong habits takes effort. Seek support from others as you navigate this journey of self-development.